Evan Iliadis blog

My Big Fat Philippines Wedding

My Big Fat Philippines Wedding

Los Angeles, California Year 1992. I met a girl; we liked each other and fell in love.
A few months later, I said: Do you want to marry me? She said: Humm!!!! It may be too early; I have many obligations back home and can’t think of my future. I said: a bit early? You’re 30! Besides, I can also help with the obligations you have back home. She said: Let’s think about this later, and we’ll talk again. I said:  I’m 45 and have been single for a long time. Maybe I should look somewhere else. A few days later she said: OK. Let’s start thinking about it. When and where are we going to get married? My Big Fat Philippines Wedding

I said: Look. You don’t have any family here, neither do I. In France it will be very expensive, why don’t we go to the Philippines so I can meet your family and have our honeymoon in a white sand beach resort? It’s more fun in the Philippines!!…

She said: It sounds like a plan to me. Let’s start shopping, we have to bring everything from here. Let’s go first to the jewelry store for the rings. Done: Beautiful pieces of art, the rings.
I said: I want a first world-class wedding, we have to bring a lot of Champagne, the real stuff, not the American Sparkling Wine they call champagne. I want French wines and whatever food can be in  Balikbayan boxes.
She said ok. Let’s go to the CostCo in Inglewood. We went, 3 hours later, came out with 3 huge shopping carts full of goods,  when looking for my car-nowhere to be found. Oh! Maybe we forgot where we parked it? No! We didn’t forget. My beautiful Mustang 5.0L  V8 Convertible was gone! It was my third one, I just bought it 8 months ago. The mother of all sports cars ever built in the US!  Those who owned one know what I’m talking about. Those who had one with manual transmission know the kind of toy even better!

The customer service at Costco called a taxi. When the driver saw the load, he said we needed a truck, not a taxi! Not happy, but his car was big enough, and with a bit of effort, we could load the whole thing. The vehicle was recovered by the LA Police Department 45 days later when they arrested the driver. He said he stole it to impress a girl he was dating. The insurance had already paid, and they offered to “take a look at the car; maybe we can negotiate.”  When I saw the wreck he made of a well-maintained car, I said, “Thanks…but No, thanks….

May 1993. My D-Day in the Philippines. My Big Fat Philippi

15 hours later, I landed on a continent I had never visited before. With new faces, new accents, observing the vendors inside the airport, and people passing by, all you notice first is smiles and a good mood. In a little kiosk where we stopped for some drinks, the young guy asked me. Sir!  Are you  Joe Pesci. I said, No, why? “You look like him, and you talk with the same accent in English he said.” I have heard that many times before; remember, it is the Good Fellas era, Pesci’s best movie ever! I’ll embed an excerpt for you, but beware: Yes, true, close look, same height, and face and I speak with the same accent, minus the slang.

Then, to the domestic airport in Manila, long, long wait in the airport, only one flight every other day at that time to Bohol, in old planes, scary; I thought they were taken out of service anywhere else in the world and dumped to the Philippines. Let’s pray and say goodbye to our loved ones, just in case… (Things have changed since. Now 4 flights a day, primarily nice new Airbus, new airport)

Welcome to Tagbilaran, Bohol, Philippines. My Big Fat Philippines Wedding

One hour 30 minutes drive on a bus (Jeepney) that Stella had made a “special reservation” for us, and the family came to the airport and brought us to Batuan, a remote area in the center of the island, far from the sea, close to being called a jungle.

I thought I’d never make it to the destination alive. The jeepney driver was driving so fast a mass of junk fuming black smoke, I couldn’t breathe! How could they allow cars suitable for the junkyard on the road that was good for horses and carabaos as they were then? Things have also changed in this department.  Buses are in good condition with aircon, the road is excellent, and the travel time is shorter.

Friend, this is a blog, not a book. Writing all my first impressions and adventures, it will take not one but several books. At this time, Bohol was one of the poorest provinces in the country but also known for its hospitality and traditional values, virgin and clean beaches, not a tourist spot.

Let’s continue with our story, the wedding, which was why we were here.

We thought getting married in the Philippines would be as easy as a Las Vegas drive-in; just show your IDs, and you’re all set! No folks! Things are more complicated than that. Once in the City Hall for the marriage license, the Mayor asked if I had a marriage capacity license.

I said: Excuse me? What is it?

He said: In the Philippines, every foreigner must show a certificate of marital capacity. Do you have one?

I said: Of course, I have one! But I can’t show it to you just like that! This is a private thing and none of your business..

He said: Are you taking me for a stupid? Let me explain to you. As a foreigner, to get married in the Philippines, we must know you aren’t married already or any other reason preventing you from getting married. So, put up or shut up.

I said. Oh! I have with me a judgment of divorce of a previous marriage.

He said. That’s fine! Go to the French consulate in Manila and tell them to give you the certificate; they know what to do and are familiar with our laws.

The next day, I called the French consulate in Manila and asked the consul to help me. He said: “Monsieur, don’t even think about” don’t waste your money and time to come over. You should have informed the French Consulate in LA, where you reside; in turn, the consulate will send the information to the City Hall of the town in France, where your first marriage occurred. The mayor will publish your petition for a license for 30 days outside the building. If there is no opposition, the Consulate in LA will issue the document to you. Not us.. Bad news! 8 days left and no hope to obtain the document. 

But the Mayor could no longer resist the pressure he was receiving from constituents and family to ignore the fact that a foreigner was honoring us with his presence and he was giving him red tape treatment. Besides, prominent people, including the Governor of the island and the entire Dagohoy Masonic Lodge from Tagbilaran were planning to attend the wedding.

Finally, we found a way to bypass the requirement, with the promise on my part to provide it as soon we returned to the US. Done? Not exactly.

In the Philippines, a marriage not blessed in a church is not real. Civil marriage only was unthinkable in this remote area of Bohol in 1993. Because I was divorced, I also made the mistake of saying my first marriage took place in a Catholic church in France (My ex was Catholic; I’m Greek Orthodox).

The chances of getting re-married in the same church are zero. We went to see the Eveque in Tagbilaran for a dispensation; when we finally found him, he refused and gave us a nasty letter to give to the priest, ordering him to respect the rules and slamming the door on us.

We are on Friday, and the wedding is scheduled for Sunday. We still don’t know where we’ll get married. Sadness and disappointment are all over the family in the house. But, hey! We are in the Philippines, Folks! There is always a solution to the problem. Karma has been kind to us and always sided with us.

Late Friday evening, a relative came to the house to tell us that a priest of another church, not Catholic, would be willing to marry us. but he doesn’t have a temple, but he will come and celebrate our wedding at any place of our choice. Welcome to the

Philippine Independent Church  My Big Fat Philippines Wedding

 Also known as Aglipayan Church.  Good. We now have to decide fast and find a suitable place to build something like a chapel that can accommodate the guests, estimated at more than 200. We went and asked the Restaurant manager in Chocolate Hills if she could rent us the place, or at least part of it, for the celebration. She was very skeptical about the request, which had never happened before in the history of the place, but she accepted.

We are Saturday morning, May 22 1993. One day before the event. Since last night, the pigs have been screaming under the sharp knife of “the executioner”, cooking and cleaning all over; the whole family, neighbors, and volunteers are working overnight, and a team of brothers, cousins, and nieces are busy decorating the chapel up in the Chocolate Hills.

Let the pictures tell the rest of the story.

Venerable Priest, I don’t even remember your name. It all happened so fast; what was counted then was getting a religious marriage as Stela’s family wanted.   I’m not religious, and I don’t publicly state my convictions on the subject. But somehow, the symbolism behind your Ritual came to harmony with my spiritual beliefs acquired elsewhere and my Philosophy on what a religion and a church should be.

Today, 20 years later, I got a glimpse on the net and saw who you really are and what you exactly represent. I wish I knew it then. Today, all I can say is, Thank you for coming to us, thank you for the message you sent us during the ceremony. It was received; be proud of your church and its history. Keep your symbolic and meaningful rites, especially the wedding ceremonial Ritual.

To Tatay and Nanay, who raised my wife, be assured America and later France, countries she lived most of her life, have not altered the principles you taught her as a child. She is still the same, respectful and compassionate with her family, friends, and neighbors. Thank you for your efforts and for what you have done so I can find that unique Filipina in a place I never thought would be possible. In America. Rest in peace Tatay, you know your daughter is in good hands. 

To all the beauties of the Jumawid Clan who worked hard and countless hours on the preparation, this picture may remind you of a different era, a time of innocence and laughter. 20 years have passed, and you now all have family and children on your own. The laughter is still here; I saw it not long ago..

More pictures in a few days. Meanwhile, if you want to get married, do it in the Philippines. It’s really more fun!…